Bum Reviews Deadpool 2
by 61394
Summary: "Do you want to build a snowman" best last words ever today Chester reviews the sequel to blockbuster movie starring the merc with the mouth Deadpool 2 in case it wasn't clear there's going to be SPOILERS


Hi everyone it's 61394 here with a Bum Review Fanfiction of Deadpool 2 obviously there are spoilers so if you haven't seen the movie this is the part where you click your back button and go see the movie or google it

Disclaimer I in no way am connected to Channel Awesome and I'm like 87% percent sure I've never been to Chicago

On with the story

Oh by the way consider every line break as one of Chesters jump cuts

 **And now it's time for Bum Reviews**

 **with Chester A Bum**

 **Tonight's Review Deadpool 2**

Chester is jumping up and down wearing a Deadpool mask "Oh my god this is the greatest movie I've ever seen in my life"

Chester sways back and forth "Do you want to build a **Spoiler** "

"So the movie starts with a musical box of Wolverine stabbed through the log before he dies and some sad depressing " Chester looks down at ground a tear in his eye "but then they cut away from it with Deadpool saying how Hugh Jackman ripped him off and how he's gonna show him up by laying down on a bed of gasoline barrels and lighting a match"

"I had a bed of gasoline barrels once" Chester said with a grin

"So after Deadpool blows himself to Kingdom come we cut back to six weeks ago where Deadpool's now an international assassin kicking ass all over the world fighting a bunch of bad guys including Chinese human traffickers Japanese guys who take baths with Samurai swords Deadpool killing people dressed like a hooker and a random Russian mobster whose a cab drive away from Deadpools house"

Chester scratches his head "wow Mr. Mccritic is right the Russian mob really is everywhere"

"So anyway Deadpool leaves the Russian guy in his panic room because he's running late to his anniversary with his prostitute girlfriend Deadpool gives her a skeeball token from the arcade they fell in love at and the girlfriend took out her birth control so they can reproduce"

Chester jumps up and down excitedly "OH MY GOD DEADPOOLS GONNA BE A DAD can you imagine how AWESOME that kid's gonna be like if he'll have Deadpools powers and bad ass weapons skills but without a face that looks like Freddie Krueger made love to an avocado"

"Oh my god this is gonna be so awesome" Chester cheers "hooray"

"But then the Russian Mobster from before and his gang show up and kill his girlfriend" Chester frowns "Ok so you think Deadpools gonna get revenge and kill all the Russians like he did to Francis in the last movie right"

"Nope" Chester shakes his head "rewind me back to the beginning

"but then they cut away from it with Deadpool saying how Hugh Jackman ripped him off and how he's gonna show him up by laying down on a bed of gasoline barrels and lighting a match"

Chester gets angry "what the hell why are you killing Deadpool in like the first ten minutes of the movie he's died like two times" Chester shakes his head "ok so then Collosus shows up and puts Deadpool in a bag and takes him to join the X-men and yet the only X-men there are him Sponteeneus combustion and her girlfriend Yugioh"

"Oh my god I've seen Yugioh it's the greatest show I've ever seen in my life" Chester said

"So anyway at the X-men's house Deadpool plays with all of Professor Xaviers crap like his wheelchair and Cerebro until Collosus takes him onto a mission to some rehab place for mutants"

"I went to Rehab once" Chester said with a grin "but that's a boring story"

"So the X-men go to stop this fat whiny version of Luffy's brother from One Piece"

Chester takes off his hat putting it against his chest "Remember Ace"

"So Deadpool knocks out the kid out and the cops put this collar on his neck that turns off super powers and Deadpool see's taser marks on the kids neck from where the rehab people poked him with cattle prods"

Now your probably thinking that Deadpools gonna kill the guy"

Chester shakes his head "no Colossus stops him and Deadpool gets arrested with the fat kid"

So anyway in X-men days of future past there's this guy named Cable who travels back in time and steals a truck from these hillbillies who are talking about wiping their butts"

"And then Cable tracks down Deadpool to this prison for mutants and they get into this fight and" Chester looks serious for a second before he starts cheering "AND IT'S AWESOME"

"So Cables throwing him around with his metal arm and blasting Deadpool with this awesome gun that has all these different ways to kill people and Deadpools all like"

"My god your so dark are you from DC"

"So anyway Deadpool and Cable end up rolling down a mountain and landing in a frozen lake"

"I fell down a mountain once" Chester said before he shivered "I will never look for change on top of mount Everest again"

"So after going to heaven and meeting his girlfriend he makes a team to break the kid out of prison

there's Bedlam who can short out peoples brain

Shatterstar an Asian alien with Ecto cooler for blood

Vanisher whose an invisible Guy

Girl

Monkey

I don't know

Zeitgeist a guy who throws up acid

Domino a really hot chick whose super lucky

And lastly Zach Galifianakis from the Campaign and Deadpool names this team of kick ass mutants the X-force" Chester crosses his arms making an X shape "and they make a plan to break the kid out of prison"

Chester throws his arms up "hooray"

"But then they all die"

Chester's arms go down "oh"

"So anyway Domino and Deadpool are they only guys left and Cable shows up again to kill the kid saying that in the future will become a Supervillain that kills his family after he kills the guy who tortured him"

"Oh and Juggernaut's in the movie no not the wimpy little one from X-men 3 this one could eat that guy for breakfast and rips Deadpool in half turning him into the creepiest version Winnie the Pooh"

"At least until the live action one comes out"

"So after Deadpool gets his legs back he teams up with Domino the taxi driver from the last movie Cable Colossus Sponteenius Combustion her girlfriend Yugioh who dresses like a really pretty ninja who covers her weapons with lightning"

"Huh a Marvel Superhero who fights with a weapon covered in lightning why's that sound familiar" Chester asked scratching his chin

"Oh yeah Ghandi"

"So Colossus and Jugernaut fight and Colossus kills him by sticking a live wire up his butt and throwing him in a swimming pool and then he's like"

"That's how we do it in Mother Russia" Chester says with a Russian accent

"I will never go to Russia" Chester says with a serious face

"So Deadpool and Cable chase the kid and Deadpool tries to talk him out of killing the kid while Cable tries to kill the kid then Deadpool pulls out the superpower killing collar and puts it on himself jumping between him and the bullet saving the kid at the cost of his life"

Chester looks stupefied "what the hell they're really gonna kill Deadpool I thought he was just joking about it when he said at the beginning of the movie I'm gonna die too first Wolverine now Deadpool now all Fox has left is the Fantastic 4 and there's no way to save that franchise"

"So Deadpool gets to see his dead girlfriend again for like the third time in this movie and she tells him it's not his time yet and she'll be here waiting for him and they kiss while Cable goes back in time putting the skeeball token over his heart so Deadpool won't die"

Chester cheers "hooray"

"And the movie ends with the Indian guy running over the head of the orphanage"

"Now the moral of the story is let Deadpool kill people if you stop him the future will turn out like X-men days of future past and your family will get killed by a guy named Fire Fist"

"Oda's going to sue you all" Chester says pointing at the screen

"This Chester A Bum saying" Chester takes off his wig and puts on the Nostalgia Critic hat and glasses "I've got the Nostalgia Critic to shoot" he walks away

 **End review**

"No seriously no closing joke I've got work to do"

 **The end**

And that's the end in case it wasn't clear I highly recommend Deadpool 2 if you've seen it see it again I probably will there's not much else to watch other than Rampage or the Avengers

both movies I recommend

I'm 61394 saying

 **Faves ya got faves oh come on help a guy out will ya come on faves**


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